Boobs

Hello loves!

That's right, I said it, boobs. As I sit down today, realizing its been way too long since I have have posted, this is what is on the forefront of my mind. This is something that all women know about and can relate to in some way, shape, form or fashion. When this topic comes to my ADHD mind, several tabs open. So where do I start? Bare with me, this could be a scattered thought post. As a woman, you know that we first start to develop them in our preteen to teenage years. Quite possible one of the things that make us feel most like a woman and I'd say without a doubt what causes the male gender to look our direction. We may love them or hate them, but they are ours and we must learn to live with them, right? Or, you can go to a plastic surgeon in hopes to make them exactly what we want them to be.

This is the path that I took. I developed around age 12 and it felt like they came out of no where! At first its kind of cool, "I'm turning into a woman now." Then you get into high school where pretty much every girl has their sets. You start to get more open around you girl friends and start changing in the same room as them, instead of modestly changing in the bathroom. Que the comparison game. Hers look different than mine. Are mine normal? Are hers normal? Her nipples are smaller than mine. Who's are better? Well, truth is, just like every other part of us, we are all unique and we all have our own normal. As I grew up, I started to feel like mine were especially unique. One was bigger than the other. They weren't perky and cute like you'd think young boobs would be. They had this weird shape to them too, like a flat upside down triangle. I know, be jealous! At the age of 19, I went to visit with my first plastic surgeon. He was great! Except for the fact that he confirmed all of my insecurities about my breast. He confirmed that they were about a cup size difference in size, I had what's called tubular breasts in regards to the shape and lifelessness of them. He asked me a few times if I'd ever been pregnant or breast fed a baby. Ummm, I can pretty confidently say no to both of those doc. That was followed with the comment, "this is just so odd to see at your age without past pregnancies or breast feeding." Sorry doc, welcome to my wonderful vessel of random genes God chose for me. The doctor suggested that I needed implants for fullness and projection as well as a lift to correct the shape of my breasts. As you can imagine, that didn't come with a small price tag. I spent the next three years trying to figure out the best way to get this done. Each year hating my natural breasts more and more. Fighting with how to make them look perky and the same size. When I was 20, I met my now husband and he loved all of me, despite my flabby and uneven boobs. Any time the topic of a boob job to fix them was brought up, he always said, "don't do it for anyone other than you babe." Selfishly, my own vanity built a mansion in the front of my mind. Gotta love being an insure woman. His support only made me want it more, so here I went on my journey to start to love my body!

Fast forward to 2012. I was about to graduate college and start my dream career at Blackberry Farm. I made another appointment with the same doctor I had met when I was 19. Hey doc, its me again, ol' tubal breast girl with uneven fun bags here to fix it after all. With the help of a family member and the local credit union, I was able to afford the surgery! May 21st, 2012 was surgery day and I was so excited! I was back in pre-op and I just reminded the doctor that I just wanted to look "normal" more than anything and I wanted them to fit these German linebacker shoulders I was blessed with. +C and -D were written on my chest and off I went to the OR. Surgery went well and then it was time for the road to recovery and my new found confidence. At my first follow up appointment, I got to see the new and improved me, and I'll never forget that moment. Brandon had driven me there and when the surgical bra came off, my first thought was, "oh shit, what have I done to myself." I said out loud, "I look like JWow from the Jersey Shore!" I really thought I had messed up. Before surgery, I thought, "oh this won't be super noticeable and I'll just keep this to myself." Boy was I wrong! I didn't really get out with friends until about a month after my surgery and realized very quickly that I couldn't hide what I had done. But then again, why would I? Life is too short to hide who you are. Just live baby! After about three months, I was healed and the implants had settled, I felt like a new me. I had confidence that I never thought was possible, Brandon's love for me didn't change and I felt like I didn't have to hide anymore. I loved the new me!

Now fast forward four more years, now I'm a mom. I made sure that when I got my implants that it would not effect my ability to nurse my future children. Nursing is something that I always wanted to be able to, if I could. When the twins were born, I was off to the races with pumping and nursing. My body could not keep up with the demand of twins, but I gave it my all for 10 weeks before I decided I needed to stop pushing myself to do something that I couldn't do. But man, when my milk came in, it was like seeing my brand new boobs again! They were beautiful, full and perky again! After I stopped nursing the twins and losing my baby weight, they weren't bad, but they weren't the same. Oh well I thought to myself, I can still work with them. Over the next nine years, I still loved them. I never really had pain from them or felt like I needed to change anything.

July 2023, I was on vacation with my family in New Jersey and I got a text from my best friend of 20 years. She had gotten the results of her BRCA 1 test and they were positive. This meant that she was at high risk for basically all female cancers. I knew that she had done the testing and with her family history, I was pretty sure that it was going to be positive, but that didn't change how I felt in that moment. I instantly started to cry and worry about her future but then I also reminded myself that this wasn't a cancer diagnosis. This was just confirmation that she was doing what was best for her and her family and she was being proactive. I collected myself and put on my big girl bestie pants and said, "alright, let's do this!" Over the next several months, she went through many surgeries including a mastectomy without nipple sparing. This meant that she was no longer going to have nipples. In true me trying to make light of the situation with a little laughter, I reminded her of all of the things that she wouldn't have to worry about now that she didn't have to worry about anymore. This included no more need for a bra, no crazy eyes, not having to worry about your head lights being on and of course the fact that if she was ever in a movie or show, they wouldn't have to blur out her boobs! Hey, what are best friends for :) Her road to what will hopefully be a cancer free life, wasn't as easy as she had hoped it would be. First the loss of her nipples, then followed by thin breast tissue which lead to her incisions not closing on one side. This made for a few more surgeries than she had hoped, including having to go almost three months completely flat on one side to allow her skin to heal and prepare for better healing with the expander. Along with the mastectomy, she also had a total hysterectomy and a tummy tuck for a treat for herself. I mean, why not? When your already being put under for a hysterectomy, why not suck me and tuck me while your at it? I did something very similar a few months prior but that's for a different blog on another day. People have made comments to her along the way like, "not everyone has money for plastic surgery" or "you're so lucky to have these surgeries to get better boobs and a flat stomach." Listen Susan, let's not forget why she put herself through all of this. She wouldn't have ever been able to put her mom guilt aside long enough to randomly get a boob job and tummy tuck. She has new boobs because shes trying to avoid getting breast cancer and she had a tummy tuck because they did it at the same time as her total hysterectomy to avoid getting uterine, ovarian, or cervical cancers. We should never put other woman down, especially for doing something for their health or self confidence.

So to circle back to my breast journey, I've always said that I wasn't in a hurry to do anything with my current boobs. Maybe in my 50's I'll get them redone and a little smaller. This past month I have found myself with a lot of pain in my neck, back and head. I have had pains like this in the past, but not this constant. I decided to finally go to a chiropractor and see what they could do to help me. I didn't want to go to my regular doctor and talk pain meds for a slew of reasons, one of which being my dad and use of pain meds. He cannot live without them due to back pain. My mom on the other hand, she has degenerative bone disease, four broken vertebrae, has had two total hip replacements but needs a third, shoulder surgery, knee surgery and I'm sure there is something I'm forgetting. She currently has two jobs. One is HR director for a large company and the other is at the Disney store so she can get discounts to take us back to Disney this summer. She hardly ever takes prescription pain meds and refuses to be sedentary unless she's under doctors orders. I would much rather be like my mom. At my first appointment, I learned that I have four compressed discs in my neck, no natural curve to the vertebrae in my neck, arthritis in four vertebrae in my midback as well as compressed discs, my hips are uneven resulting in one of my legs being shorter than the other and the muscles in my neck and back are so tight that they're pulling my spin to the right and my head to pull forward. Again, welcome to this amazing vessel I've been given. I have now gone to the chiropractor once a week for the last four weeks and plan to continue to go in hopes that they can get me back to a pain free place. But what about the long term? Am I just going to have to do this for the rest of my life? I'm only 35 and I plan on being around for a while.

Do I get a reduction? Time to start the google searching. It looks like the majority, if not all of my neck and back pain, can be resolved with a smaller chest. But I love my boobs, right? I mean, there are cute shirts that I can't wear because it will be "too much boob" or the top just hangs down like a parachute, which is not flattering by the way. Could this solve my pain? What size do I have to go down to? At the moment, if this will help ease my pain and put me on a more pain free life to live with my husband and kids, I think I'm going to look into it. No telling when it will happen but I think I'm definitely going to look into it! Moral of the story ladies, don't be scared go under the knife. Don't let others influence your decisions. We have to do what we feel is best for us. After all, were the only ones that know how were feeling and what makes us happy. Live your best life mamas! Until next time, keep killing it!